Sunday, February 13, 2011

A room with a view

When people come to our apartement, they all comment on the view. Since we moved in, it has been the daaaark times up here in the North, when there is light, we are at work, so when we come home the view is an ocean of darkness, with the green and red neon lights of the supermarket shining like a beacon in the distance, and a lightening passing fast through every half hour or so - the train.We know the view is great, cos we can see all the lights of the city. But guess what, February just came. So did the SUN. The fact is, around here, the sun is up every day. We are not living as far North that the sun is under the horizon parts of the year. Just that.. When the weather was nice, the sun shone 2 hours a day before it got dark again. Then January came, which is supposed to be snowy and cold. But this year it came with RAIN RAIN RAIN instead. We were even hoping for spring come early this year. But no. Hello February, and hello freezing temperatures again. The weird thing is that nice weather in the winter usually means MINUS degrees. This weekend we had minus 10 and below. It resulted in this weather:

This is our view. From the coach, it was too cold to go out on the veranda. Evening, sunset, LIGHT. Cold.

Right now the sun is BEAMING and I'm sitting inside in front of the TV and the fireplace, trying to decide to do something sensible with my Sunday. We all know I suck at that. First I'm going to put down the laptop and give my hard working kindergarten fingers a manicure.
Then... Take more photos of the view?

Have a lovely SUNday everyone!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Keeping up appearances

I am not an English genious so the headline might not mean what I want it to mean. I WANT it to mean....that Facebook today made me realize something (which you all already know) - it's a f..... pink cloud. Where everyone tries to make everyone else feel smaller, by updating their status. I've done it myself. Everytime I do something good, I get a need to "tell the world". How good it feels with comments comfirming how good you are. How pathetic?

At the same time you sit there yourself, reading about other people's life. How perfect they are/their husbands/wives/their exciting lives/their great careers/beautiful children etc. It can ruin your OWN life. Can't it?

I also put it there, about my great life. I might think it sucks at the moment. But making a status update about it, is out of the question. It's only positive things that come out, although reality at that moment can be quite different. At the same time I think it's pathetic with all the updates about how bad someone is feeling. I mean, "I have a headache, poor meeee" or "I'm so sick and tired of everything" or... something else you think would be best if they kept to theirselves.

Sometimes I just wanna scream it: "Fuck my life!! I hate my job/myself/husband... I feel like the most useless idiot in the world!!" We all feel that, right? But we don't tell anyone, and that's how it should be of course. But why are we so intent on tyring to make the opposite impression? That we are all living a dream life, so that everyone else can be jealous?

Today I got a crazy thought in my head. What would happen if I actually deleted myself from Facebook? Can I? Dare I? How will it feel next time I put on my pc and don't get to see what everyone else is doing or feeling? Hmm.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Bring something new in my life

This pic is from last Saturday's snowstorm. My orchid had no idea what the weather outside was like.
I got an orchid from a good friend. January 15th. I thought: Oh, shit. I'm gonna kill this nice flower really soon! I kill flowers, that's what I do. It sucks to kill nice flowers somebody gave to me. But hey, it's still alive today!

They have reported wind tomorrow too. Another Saturday inddors on the coach? Please no.
I need to see a human being who isn't my husband. Or someone I work with, although I love them. (I love my husband too, of course!).

I need a change. But I don't want things to change. Although I wanna have more friends around me, I wanna earn more money, I wanna do something more useful each day.

At the same time I like it here, I am comfortable here, I feel at home here. But when I'm 80, will I be happy with spending my life being "comfortable"?

But I haven't been HERE all my life??? I haven't been comfortable all my life. I've been uncomfortable, on the run, insecure, not knowing what happens next 3 months. I have seen crazy new things every day. Now I see the same. I have wanted this A4-life. 2 years ago I looked forward to it. I said: No more Africa every 6 months, no more new job every 6 months. I wanted to settled. Now I am settled and wondering if it is enough for me. Is it?

Bring something new in my life. Just don't know what I really want.