Friday, February 4, 2011
Bring something new in my life
I got an orchid from a good friend. January 15th. I thought: Oh, shit. I'm gonna kill this nice flower really soon! I kill flowers, that's what I do. It sucks to kill nice flowers somebody gave to me. But hey, it's still alive today!
They have reported wind tomorrow too. Another Saturday inddors on the coach? Please no.
I need to see a human being who isn't my husband. Or someone I work with, although I love them. (I love my husband too, of course!).
I need a change. But I don't want things to change. Although I wanna have more friends around me, I wanna earn more money, I wanna do something more useful each day.
At the same time I like it here, I am comfortable here, I feel at home here. But when I'm 80, will I be happy with spending my life being "comfortable"?
But I haven't been HERE all my life??? I haven't been comfortable all my life. I've been uncomfortable, on the run, insecure, not knowing what happens next 3 months. I have seen crazy new things every day. Now I see the same. I have wanted this A4-life. 2 years ago I looked forward to it. I said: No more Africa every 6 months, no more new job every 6 months. I wanted to settled. Now I am settled and wondering if it is enough for me. Is it?
Bring something new in my life. Just don't know what I really want.